The Buginator
by crystalbluefox
Summary: Zoro gets woken up in the middle of the night by Sanji. He need his help... there's something hidden in the shadows... again! A One-shot story. And for the first time ever: No pairings at ALL! Just pure friendship. Honestly! Rated T for cursing


_Once again a big thanks to LunaticV for beta-reading one of my stories!_

_Thank you so much! –bear hug- don't know what I should have done if you haven't kept on nagging me with the mistakes and grammas in my stories ^o^; you made me so pissed so I make you my beta-reader… if you hadn't make me pissed, you and I hadn't become friends! LOL! What a weird way to become friends on… ne? –chuckles-_

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**One Piece is owned by Eiichiro Oda-sensei. All the copyrights associated with One Piece belong to him. Only the ideas contained within this story **__**and some of the characters are the property of the author. No profit is being earned by me, the writer, of this story.**_

**Please enjoy! ~^o^~**

The Buginator

-A One Piece fan fiction

By Pernille T. Boldemann

Alias

Crystal Blue Fox

It was a quiet night. One of the rare nights where the only sounds you could hear was the sound of the sea rolling its waves peacefully against the hull, lolling the ships crew into a deeper sleep, and then the light snoring of the sleeping pirates in the men's quarters. Such a rare time where you could have a good night of sleep; no enemies to disturb you, no Luffy sleep-chewing on something or _someone_ thinking they are some kind of food, and no Usopp talking in his sleep. Indeed a peaceful night… a _too_ peaceful night.

"Move your fucking ass, Shit-head!" he could figure out better ways to get woken up on, other than this. "Oi! You heard me? Wake up already, marimo!" and then that constant bashing on his head, he could really live without that one too.

"Shut the fuck up, cook, and go back to bed already." He grumbled and turned around in his hammock. Hoping for the nagging idiot to go away so he could get his proper and much needed night of sleep, but that was only a hopeless dream. The next thing he knew of he was kicked out of the hammock and kissed the hard floor. "The hell?" he hissed, so not to wake up the others.

"I told you already; get the fuck up!" the cook hissed back and kicked him lightly again. Zoro grumbled. He might as well just get over with this.

"What is it?" directly translated; spit out and get the fuck away from me!

Sanji looked nervously around.

"It's here!"

Zoro lifted a brow. "Again? I thought that I got rid of that thing!"

"Well, apparently you _didn't_, you shit for brains!" The swordsman sat there on the floor and stared up at the paling cook, who looked nervously around himself. Honestly, this was pathetic.

"Why don't you yourself do it?"

Sanji looked at the swordsman, like he was a complete idiot. Well, in Zoro's opinion it was the blond who was the true idiot.

"You mad or something?"

"Honestly, it's just a _bug_!"

"An _oversized, not _normal _bug_!" the cook scolded back with a low hiss. Zoro made a sign to go back up in his hammock and go back to sleep, but with the cook looming so dangerously and threatening over it, he might as well just could stay where he was and sleep on the floor instead.

"Grow up, catch it yourself," the swordsman yawned, and got himself comfortable on the floor. He didn't need this. Not now. Not in the middle of the shitty night, when everyone was fast asleep around them. Apparently the cook had other plans about his sweet sleep, and kicked him in the head.

"GET THAT FUCKING BUG, AND THAT'S NOW, YOU DAMN FUCKING SHIT-HEAD!"

"You crazy? It's just a _bug_, for heavens sake! It's no bigger than a berry!"

Okay, _why_ was it that he had a discussion like this on this time of the day? Well, apparently some weeks ago Usopp had been blurting out about their trip to Sky Island to both Franky and Brook, and had mentioned about some bugs and such that he had been fighting against, before they ever got up in the skies. Zoro hadn't paid much attention, not before something about bugs and Sanji and Nami screaming like girls about these bugs that had rained down at them –or something like that- and he, the mighty bla-bla-bla, had saved them both from the pure 'horror'. Okay, just a story, and he had expected the cook to kick his head in for saying such things. And he did so, but not before after Zoro had caught a glimpse of pure horror in the blonds' blue eye, a light shiver over his whole body like he remembered something, and then that tint of red on his cheeks, like in embarrassment. And then the kicks and beatings came. Hadn't the cook used his hands to beat the hell crap out of their sharpshooter, Zoro would have thought that it was just because of such a lie-story which could ruin his reputation. And then curiosity had got the better of him as Sanji had dragged the half unconscious Usopp with him, to the other side of the ship, where no one else were… they _thought_!

"Repeat after me; I. Will. _Never._ Tell. _Anybody._ That. Sanji. Is. Scared. Of. _Bugs_!" he said through clenched teeth, and almost spit in the other's face as he spoke, while holding the poor sharpshooter in his white Hawaii-shirt, hands trembling in pure anger.

"Vhai whe bevar bell awhybobi dhad Dhandji dis dhared bof boghs!" Usopp repeated the best he now could with those swollen cheeks and broken nose.

Zoro smirked over his triumph.

He had something to tease the cook with.

Or so he thought.

The moment after Sanji had gotten Usopp to repeat the same sentence over and over again about twenty times, more angered for each time because the poor sharpshooter couldn't speak the words out properly, Zoro hadn't been smart enough to laugh off his ass some other place than where he stood right about now. Sanji's eyes had first looked upon him with horror, then with pure hatreds and anger, and if Zoro thought that he had been kicking his ass before, well, _before _was nothing against what he got now.

"Since you find it so _funny_, Mr. Oh-I'm-so-big-and-strong-and-even-laughs-at-death-himself, then _you _can now become this ship's 'Buginator'," the cook stated, a freaky smile spreading on his lips, as he stepped harder down at the swordsman's chest.

"Bug-what?" the swordsman asked, utterly confused, and ignored the increasing pain in his chest; a normal person would already had been screaming of pain, if not already crushed under that black sole.

"_Buginator_," the chef repeated, smirking even wider, "beside you do nothing but eat, sleep and train that gorilla-body of yours all day… or are the great soon-to-be swords master scared of a little bug?" Zoro smirked devilish back up at him.

"Well, apparently _you _are. But I should have known better that a woman like you are scared of tipsy tiny insects,"

So that was how it happened, after that Franky literally had to _drag _the furious cook away from the remains of the swordsman, so that Chopper could patch him back up. Right about the next day, with an almost broken back and several blue marks and broken ribs, Zoro was sent off to catch a little silly cockroach, that had sneaked on board the ship in one of the bags with apples. Zoro even decided that he hated those little fast devils, and Sanji almost stood and was amused by the sight; the strong swordsman haunting a little fast insect, it looked _so _ridiculous, and Zoro _knew _this all to well, the idiot didn't have to smear it in his face about it, that is, until said _insect _chose to run another direction and up under the cook's one pant leg. Sanji did indeed, as Usopp had told them, scream like a girl, before he ran off _like _a hysterical woman, and now Zoro had not only to catch that bloody insect crawling somewhere up along the cook's leg, but also the now insane blond, and knock him out.

He knew that the cook would kill him, if he caught Zoro in pulling his pants off to catch that bloody insect. Insect now gone, Zoro left the kitchen with an unconscious half-naked cook lying on the floor, and was soon accused to have _violated _the bloody idiot! By who? Well? Who the hell else but that freaking sea-witch, who found the unconscious half-naked blond on the floor and who had heard the screams as well, and then _demanded _to get payment to turn the blind eye on him… just this once. So, not only had he been 'honoured' the job as a freaking bug-hunter, buginator, or what the hell it was the shitty blond called it, no, now, in Nami's eyes, he were also a freaking _rapist_!

And of course she didn't believe him when he told her the truth. She just shook her head and said; "Honestly, Zoro, even Usopp can make better lies than that." Zoro never mentioned this for Sanji; the cook would just never let him live down with it.

So, now he was sitting here, glaring up at the cook, who just wouldn't let him sleep this night through _before _that blasted insect was taken care of. Honestly, sometimes he suspected him for being some kind of a human magnet for insects; those bastards seemed to crawl _everywhere _all of a sudden.

"Marimo-head! Don't fall asleep again, you damn bastard!" the blond cook hissed even louder through gritted teeth, and eyed the sleeping crew, just to ensure that they _were _still sleeping, and kicked the swordsman some more in the head.

"I said; NO! Do it yourself, damn cook! Let me sleep!"

A tick formed at the cook's temple. "You're sleeping bloody hell all the time, you dormouse!"

"No, not now," the swordsman corrected and laid down at the floor to go back to sleep. Zoro grinned as he literally could hear the cook's teeth grit hard together, and some joints pop as he clenched his fist even harder and curl his toes even more.

"Get the hell up there you freaking swordsman!" the cook ordered while stomping madly on the floor, like some hysterical woman. Said 'hysterical woman's' sudden stomping and a flood of different curses on all different languages –he had to admit, the cook was good; he never had thought that the idiot could speak so many different languages. "You, up there, _NOW_, or I'll kick your sorry ass _so_ blue that it would be hard to see the different between that and Chopper's nose!"

Zoro sighed in defeat. Might as well just get over with it, since the cook never would let him have his night of sleep before he caught that bloody thing… _again_! So half grumbling and mumbling about 'crazy cook's who can't even catch a little bug,' he grabbed his one boot, dragged his ass out of the men's quarters and out onto the deck, closely followed by the cook, who suddenly had changed from hysterical woman to scared five-year-old-kid. The blond literally almost stepped up on his heels, as close he walked up at him, and almost bumped right into his back as Zoro stopped and looked at him. He quirked a brow at the hunched form of the blond, with his pale long fingers holding around the handle of an old oil lamp… honestly, he just reminded him of that old geezer, there looked more like a zombie than a living human, back at Thriller Bark.

"So? Where is it?" He didn't need this, he needed sleep and that was now. Sanji's nervous blue eye looked around like he was searching around to see a ghost suddenly jump forth and scare the hell out of him, and then pointed a shaking finger up at the ships front. Nothing else needed to be said; Zoro grabbed tighter around his boot, given the oil lamp by the cook, and then stomped up to the helm. What the hell the cook did up there, at this time at the night, he never questioned, and honestly never wished to know, but looked around anyway, hoping for the little bastard just to sit there, waiting for him to crush it again and throw it, this time, overboard.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a movement and grabbed tighter around his boot. He stood still, barely breathed as he waited for the next movement to tell where it was hiding itself. Something moved around closely up at the steps to the figurehead, and he slowly moved his arm in that direction, deleting the shadows and showing him what they had been hiding. There! He had to give the cook credits for that he had been right; the spider had grown a lot since last time, and now was almost at the size of his clenched fist. With one swift move he swung his boot up and hammered it hard down over the spider, of who he almost felt sorry for… almost. He hurried to grab it and threw it over the railing and into the black sea. Surprised not to see any disgusting slimy blood on his sole, but not really care, he shrugged and went back down to the cook, who waited for tonight's judgement.

"It's gone now for sure, cook, threw it over the railing," he told the blond, who looked like a little lost kid, who didn't dare to move out of his spot. A single blue eye turned up at him.

"And you're sure that it's forever gone?"

Oh how he would have liked to tease the cook about his scared feature, but was too sleepy to pick up a fight with him at this time of the night, perhaps tomorrow.

"I don't think that that spider can swim, being dead all the same." He ensured him. Nodding, Sanji let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and stretched fully up again, as if a heavy bag was being taken off his shoulders. He lit up a cigarette, the flame from the lighter lit up the blonds' face for a moment, but Zoro had enough time to see how pale he really looked, since he didn't really wanted to show himself in the light of the oil lamp, and watched as a drop of sweat ran down from his temple. Mocking him would perhaps be wrong; the cook seemed to have a phobia to these damn small bastards.

"Thanks," the blond said around his cigarette, almost not audible, and blew out a cloud of smoke, Zoro noted that his else so calm hand still were shaking. Give the man a monster, a giant, whatever, he could handle those without breaking out any drops of sweat and with a smile on his face… give the man a little insect, and he would almost run screaming away from it.

With a nod he gave the man a single clap on his shoulder as he went past him, and headed back down to his long awaiting hammock, which probably had gone all cold by now. The next day he was once again thanked by being served his favourite dish and a large bottle of good sake, by the cook, who gave him a little 'thank you'-smile when no others where watching.

He had to admit that being the 'buginator' wasn't that bad again, when he was served such a dish every time he caught one of those small bastards.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Look look what I found today, Zoro!" Luffy said happily, as the swordsman had come over to see what all of the commotion had been all about. Half of the crew had gathered around something Luffy and Chopper had found, something he couldn't see before from the spot where he was sleeping, and paled many shades of white, as he saw _what _it was that they were sitting with, Oh no… Oh _hell _no!

"What the hell are you idiots now mumbling around?" the cook growled, as he came stomping down the stairs, headed directly towards them. Zoro almost went all transparent as he saw the blond coming down to them, and waited for the doom to come. Sanji went a bit nervous by the look at the swordsman's face, there was almost nothing that could get him this horror-stricken, and swallowed a lump before he, with a glare, stepped up beside him and looked down at what was in their captain's hands, or rather _underneath _his hand, as it seemed like he was patting it, while Chopper was examining it. Sanji dropped his cigarette from his mouth and forgot how to breathe.

"Isn't she cool? She's going to be our newest nakama!" declared their loony captain with a large smile on his face, as he showed off the over-sized tarantula, which was even larger than a dog, and chuckled happily. The tarantula glared angrily at both the blond and the swordsman with all of its eyes, and Zoro swore that it just wheezed at him

"She says that someone had been haunting her all the time, beating her up and then throw her overboard," Chopper told, while he gave her an eye-patch on. "She has been drifting around for almost two weeks now and is really hungry." The little doctor now looked up at the blond, giving the full vision of the over-sized tarantula, and Zoro waited for the scream to come, that he could see was just laying there on the cook's trembling lips. "You think that you can make something for Theodora, Sanji?"

From the Thousand Sunny was heard a scream that sounded worse than five seakings death-screams, before the cook of this same ship fell to the ground, out cold.

Theodora wheezed once again at Zoro, which their captain thought was of pure happiness because it liked him, but only Zoro, Sanji, who laid unconscious on the ground with foam around his mouth, and now Chopper, who now glared up at him as well from the cook's side, knew better of it.

This wasn't a normal tarantula… it was a _demon_… a _monster_!

Neither he nor Sanji would ever be able to close an eye at nights _ever _again…!

He had never understood the cook's fear… but now he did!

…what had they done to be punished like this?

_**~The End?~**_

**AN: Da-da-da-daammm-! ****So, Sanji and Zoro are now going to live on the same ship with their worst nightmare ^o^. LOL! Yosh! My shortest story **_**ever**_**! I'm getting better at this! XD LMAO! Never tried this kind of before, so, I really hope that you liked it.**

**Please Review & Review and tell me what you thought about it. All your reviews makes me happy, and gives me more desire to write even more!**

**Have a nice summer everyone~!**

**~Pernille**


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